


Kit Kat Girl Number One

by unfolded73



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Episode: s05e14 Life is a Cabaret, F/F, M/M, POV Original Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22344175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unfolded73/pseuds/unfolded73
Summary: The story of the Schitt's Creek production of Cabaret told from the point-of-view of Kit Kat Girl Number One.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Twyla Sands/Kit Kat Girl
Comments: 31
Kudos: 122





	Kit Kat Girl Number One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [didipickles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/didipickles/gifts).



> I named the character of this Kit Kat Girl after Jade Whitney, the dancer who played her. If you haven't seen Jade dancing on [her instagram](https://www.instagram.com/jadewh1tney/), what have you been doing with your life? Thanks to the Rosebudd denizens for cheering me on!

The flyer for _Cabaret_ auditions hung in the foyer of Jade’s Elmdale dance studio, but she wasn’t the one who noticed it — her eyes had always dragged over that cacophony of colorful paper without really seeing any of it. It was her friend Seo-yeon who pointed it out as they left their hip hop class, Jade already dreading her drive back home.

“Oh, I love _Cabaret_ ,” Seo-yeon said, looking at the bulletin board while Jade bent down to re-tie her sneaker. “We should audition.”

Jade wrinkled her nose. “Are you suggesting that we do a musical? You and me?” She stood up and shouldered her bag. “I don’t know if the Elmdale Community Players can handle us.”

“It’s not in Elmdale, it’s in the Creek.”

“Oh, even better.” Jade stepped over and joined her friend next to the wall of flyers. “Schitt’s Creek community theater. Yikes.” 

“Don’t be an asshole, Jade. It might be fun. You were just saying how bored you are.”

Jade sighed, fiddling with the strap of her bag. “I can’t sing.”

Seo-yeon whipped around and frowned at her. “You _can_ sing; I’ve heard you sing.”

“I can carry a tune, but I can’t _sing_.” The memory of a middle school talent show surfaced in her brain, when she’d attempted to sing Katy Perry’s “Firework” and her thin, reedy voice had been way overmatched by the material. She could feel her throat trying to close up just thinking about that distilled moment of humiliation. 

“So? You can dance well enough to make up for it. Come on, _please_? I don’t want to go by myself.” Seo-yeon bounced up and down on the balls of her feet, a wheedling smile on her face. 

Groaning, Jade turned and made for the door of the dance studio. “Fine, I’ll go with you, but expect me to complain about it a lot.”

“Deal.”

~*~

The audition was weird. 

There was a woman named Jocelyn who was nominally running things, but she kept deferring to an oddly dressed older woman in impossibly high, impossibly white heels. Jade had never seen anyone in Elmdale who looked like this woman (who Jocelyn called ‘Moira’), and she seemed even more wildly out of place in the tiny town of Schitt’s Creek. Jade wondered where the hell she had come from. 

Seo-yeon and Jade showed off some of their dance moves, playing music from the tinny speaker of Seo-yeon’s phone and performing the hip hop routine they’d been working on in their weekly class. Jocelyn and Moira both looked impressed, and Moira said they danced like ‘sensual marionettes’, and further proclaimed ‘despite the cacophonous accompaniment of this routine, I can see them both in a pre-war Berlin brothel.’ Jade wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not. They also were asked to read some lines for Sally Bowles and to sing, but that didn’t go as well, at least not for Jade. Her voice sounded as thin and strangled as it always did, like her throat was trying its best to prevent the sound from getting out. Jocelyn gave them a kind smile and said she’d call them.

They walked out onto the front steps of Town Hall, looking over at what passed for a downtown in Schitt’s Creek. Jade thought back to the last time she’d been down here, taking stupid selfies in front of the town sign with some so-called friends from high school, all of them too drunk or high to drive, including the driver. God, she’d been an idiot. It was a miracle she was still alive.

“Do we really want to spend the next two months coming down here for rehearsals?”

Seo-yeon shrugged. “I mean, I get it. You’ve got such a demanding career.”

“Fuck off.” Just because she struggled to get more than twenty hours a week at the restaurant where she waitressed didn’t mean her best friend had any right to be dragging her like this.

“I still think it’ll be fun.”

“Maybe we won’t get cast in it.”

“I bet they’re hard up for dancers,” Seo-yeon said, marching off toward her car. “We’ll get cast.”

~*~

“I’m Kit Kat Girl number one,” Jade told her mother, whose back was turned, stirring ground beef in a skillet on the stove. “And Seo-yeon is Kit Kat Girl number two.”

“What does ‘number one’ mean? Is it the biggest part?”

“No, Sally Bowles is the biggest part,” Jade said. 

“So what does it mean, Jade?”

“I have no idea.”

“It’s not going to help you get more hours at the deli,” her mother said.

“It’s not going to affect that,” Jade huffed. “And besides, it’s dance. I majored in dance, and you keep saying—”

“I keep saying that you need to get a job related to what you studied. This isn’t a job. It’s community theater. It’s not even in Elmdale, it’s in—”

“I know, Mom.”

They’d gone round and round over this a hundred times since Jade had come home from college and moved back into her childhood bedroom in her parents’ house. She needed to get a job. No, a real job, not a waitressing job. She needed to move to the city if she wanted to pursue her dreams. She couldn’t afford to move to the city. How would she ever afford to move to the city, working part-time at a deli? Lather, rinse, repeat.

“Well, who’s involved with this production?” her mother asked. “Anyone I know?”

“Do you know people in Schitt’s Creek?”

“A few.”

“Umm, the directors are these two women, Jocelyn and Moira.”

“Moira _Rose_?” her mother turned, spatula poised in the air. 

“Yeah, that sounds right. Why?”

“She’s one of the Roses.” 

Jade blinked at her mother. “Who are the Roses?”

“Oh, you were away at college when all that happened. Moira was a D-list actress and her husband used to own Rose Video. Anyway, they lost all their money — I think I remember reading that their business manager robbed them — and they ended up living in the Creek. It was kind of big news around here at the time, but that was a couple of years ago now, I guess.”

Well, that explained the clothes she’d been wearing, maybe. Maybe nothing could really explain the clothes that Moira Rose had been wearing.

~*~

“I’m Alexis,” the unfairly gorgeous woman said, holding her hand out limply for Jade to… shake? Kiss? She had no idea what to do with Alexis’ hand, but she made an attempt to shake it. “So I guess we’re all Kit Kat Girls?” She gestured, indicating herself, Jade, Seo-yeon, and three other women Jade hadn’t met yet. They were taking a break during their first rehearsal, which was less of a rehearsal and more of a series of weird acting exercises during which Stevie, the girl who’d been cast as Sally Bowles, seemed supremely uncomfortable. It didn’t make Jade feel great about the quality of this production.

Also, a lot of the cast seemed to know each other already. Stevie, Alexis, and somebody named Twyla were already friends. Alexis was Moira’s daughter, and she mentioned that the guy playing the Emcee was her brother’s boyfriend. All of it made Jade feel like an outsider, and she was grateful that she at least had one friend in the cast. Failing all else, she and Seo-yeon would be able to commiserate when it looked like the show was going to be disastrous.

Twyla came over and introduced herself during the next break. She had a wide smile and sparkling eyes, and something about her made Jade smile back. “You were really good at the movement exercises,” Twyla said.

“I majored in dance at college,” Jade said.

“Wow,” Twyla said, seeming genuinely impressed. “I can’t wait to learn from you. I’m more of a singer; the most dancing I’ve ever done has been the basic stuff we do with the Jazzagals. Show choir-type stuff.”

Jade was still adjusting to the fact that Twyla didn’t immediately ask the follow-up question everyone in Elmdale asked her when she told them she majored in dance: _What are you doing here, then?_ “Umm, I don’t know, it looks like you know how to move your body,” Jade said, and then winced that those words had come out of her mouth.

Twyla was unfazed. “Oh, I do yoga. That probably helps.”

“Yeah, anything that increases your balance and flexibility will definitely help.” They were just nodding and smiling at each other, and Jade fumbled for something to say. “What do you do for a living?”

“I waitress at the café in town. You?”

Jade let out a breath. “I’m a waitress too.”

“Oh, cool!” Most of the time when Jade met another waitress, they spent five minutes talking about how awful it was. Twyla seemed to genuinely think it was cool. “Do you like it?”

“Not really. I’m trying to save up money to… make a fresh start somewhere, I guess.”

“Somewhere you can dance?” Twyla asked.

Jade nodded. 

“Well, I’m glad we have you here now,” Twyla said, and Jade thought for one reckless second that her smile was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. “Before you go off and get famous.”

~*~

“So why did you want to be Cliff?” she asked Patrick as they sat side-by-side against the wall while Moira worked with Bob. They’d been talking in a group about their auditions earlier, and Jade had been surprised to hear that Patrick hadn’t come in gunning for the Emcee when he was clearly the most talented male on the cast by a mile.

Patrick shrugged, pulling the neck of his t-shirt up to wipe sweat from his face. “I just figured I seem like more of a Cliff. It actually didn’t occur to me to audition for the Emcee. I don’t look like… I don’t know.”

She thought she knew what he meant. Patrick was physically a far cry from Joel Grey or Alan Cumming. The kind of guy who everyone probably assumed was straight, who caused people to rethink their assumptions when he was affectionate with his boyfriend in public. She could see why he wouldn’t have thought of himself for the leading role.

“Well, you’re doing great,” she said.

He winced. “I’m not a very good dancer. I’m hoping if I sing well enough, people won’t look too hard at my dancing.”

“You’ll get there. We just need more practice.”

He smirked. “I appreciate you putting the ‘we’ in there when you had the choreography mastered on day one.”

It was probably a terrible cliché, but it had put Jade at ease with the suggestive choreography that she and Patrick had to do together, knowing he had no interest in her physically. There was one moment in the opening number where Patrick had to pick her up and throw her over his shoulder, and until they got the hang of it, his hands on the backs of her thighs sometimes strayed higher than he probably intended. Then she had to sling her leg around his waist at one point and over his shoulder at another, the two of them moving in a way that was fairly intimate when you thought about it. But Patrick had an easy way about him, friendly and focused on getting the steps down, and Jade had felt comfortable with him from the start. 

Stevie joined them against the wall, sliding down next to Patrick with her water bottle in hand. “What are you guys talking about?”

“About me being a terrible dancer and Jade being an amazing one,” Patrick said.

“That’s nice of you to say when I’ve basically been flashing you my vag every rehearsal,” Jade said to Patrick.

He blinked at her. “I’m sorry, you’ve been what?”

“That split I have to do right in front of you,” she said. The choreography required her to lie down on the floor and do a split in the air.

“Oh, right.” Patrick chuckled. “Most of the time I’m so focused on my own feet, I don’t even notice you doing it.”

Stevie was struggling not to laugh and spit out her water. When she’d swallowed it, she patted Patrick on the back. “You are so fucking gay.”

He shoved Stevie’s shoulder playfully. “Yeah, what was your first clue?”

She leaned over to Jade and whispered loudly, “He and David had sex for the first time in my bed.”

Jade tried to picture what circumstance could have led to that, but her imagination drew a blank. “With you in it?”

Now it was Patrick’s turn to try not to spit out his water. “No, not with her in it.” He was blushing adorably. “Privacy was at a premium back then and can you not tell everyone we meet that story, Stevie?”

“Mmm, no, sorry. I think I have to.”

She really liked these people, Jade thought as she laughed with them. She wasn’t sure what she imagined the people doing community theater in Schitt’s Creek to be like, but she hadn’t expected to find people here that she wanted to be friends with.

~*~

“Have you ever taken voice lessons?” Twyla asked her as they moved into warrior pose. 

Twyla had asked Jade to join her for yoga a couple of mornings a week, and Jade tried not to analyze why she was willing to get up at an ungodly hour and make two additional drives all the way to Schitt’s Creek and back when she was already doing it for play rehearsals. Twyla had told her that she used to teach a yoga class a couple of years ago, but after she broke up with her boyfriend, the class lost its venue and sort of fell apart. Jade met Twyla at her house on Tuesdays and Fridays, and it was just the two of them moving through poses. Jade had been impressed that Twyla had a house of her own, but Twyla explained that it was really her grandmother’s house, and that her aunt was letting her live there while she tried to find herself in New Mexico.

Jade scoffed. “Why would I take voice lessons? I’m a terrible singer.”

Twyla frowned. “No, you have a lovely voice. You just need to relax your throat and sing from down here.” Twyla reached out and touched Jade’s abdomen, below the swell of her breasts. 

Trying not to flinch at the contact, Jade shrugged. “I have no idea how to do that.”

“Can I show you?”

Jade felt unaccountably shy. “Okay.”

“First, you want to stand up straight but loose,” Twyla said, moving so that they were facing each other. “Feet shoulder-width apart, and when you take a breath, imagine that you are breathing all the way down to the floor, if that makes sense.”

She breathed.

“Good, your shoulders didn’t rise up; that’s good.”

Smiling, Jade said, “Yeah, I’ve learned proper breathing from dance instructors before.”

Twyla wasn’t affronted at all by this. “Then you’re one step ahead already!” she said with one of her wide grins. “Now, when you sing, imagine all of that air that you breathed down to the floor coming up and flowing through you.” Twyla breathed and then sang out a single, clear note.

Jade took another breath, imagining the air going all the way down, and then as she let it out, imagined it coming all the way back out. She matched Twyla’s pitch, and her voice sounded better and clearer than it ever had. Full, like a note from a brass instrument.

“That’s great!” Twyla said, clapping. “Let’s try this: _Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome_ ,” she sang easily, her voice filling the room.

“We don’t have to do this,” Jade said, her face heating up. She felt twelve again, trying to perform in front of people who were going to laugh at her.

“Come on, please?”

Jade sighed, and went through the breathing process again before belting out the first line of the opening number. But her throat felt tight, and singing it didn’t feel as good as that one pure note had felt, when she was matching Twyla.

“That’s better,” Twyla said, all gentle encouragement even though Jade didn’t think it really had been better.

“Should we get back to yoga?” Jade asked, begging with her eyes to be let off the hook. 

“Sure, we can do that,” Twyla said, getting back into position. “Let’s move into child’s pose.”

Jade gracefully sank to her knees and stretched her arms out before lowering herself over into a deep bend, her nose an inch from the floor.

“You know what I think?” Twyla said. “I think sometimes we can hold our fears in our throats. Our fears can be like a boa constrictor, trying to choke us before our voices can be heard, calling out to tell the world our truths.”

Jade sat up and glared at Twyla. “Really?”

Twyla shrugged, still smiling her Twyla smile. “I know, it sounds silly. But think about it.”

~*~

Jade walked into the office at the dance studio in Elmdale and handed her resume to Derrek.

He looked at it. “What’s this?”

“My resume. I’ve noticed your hip hop classes are getting more popular, particularly for kids, and I bet if you hired another instructor you could offer more sessions. I’d like to apply for a job here.”

Derrek glanced over the paper for a minute before looking up. “I’m stretched a little thin. Not sure if I can afford to hire another teacher right now.”

“I could start with one class. And I have a friend, Alexis, who might be able to help you with marketing. Bring in more students.” Jade crossed her arms and regarded him evenly.

He tilted his head to the side. “Give me a few days to think about it.”

Jade nodded and turned to leave his office before quickly turning back. “Oh, and one more thing. What do you know about _Cabaret_?”

Derrek raised his eyebrows. “I was in a production of it once, why?”

“My friends Patrick and Stevie who could use a little bit of extra help with one of the numbers. What would you charge for a couple of private lessons?”

~*~

“The thing you have to remember about ‘Don’t Tell Mama,’ girls, is that while it is an upbeat number, it also speaks to the rebellious nature of these women who have defied their family’s expectations. Defied _society’s_ expectations. It’s both a raucous proclamation of their freedom, but perhaps it is also a cry for all that they have lost,” Moira intoned, looking from one face to another. “You must convey all of that in your singing and dancing.”

Stevie turned and gave Alexis a brief look that seemed to say, _How the hell do we do all of that?_

Jade thought she at least could handle the raucous proclamation of her freedom right now. She remembered everything Twyla had said to her, even the corny stuff about her fears constricting her voice, and she opened her mouth and sang.

When the rehearsal was over, Twyla came right over to her. “I could hear you! You sounded amazing.”

 _Because of you_ , Jade wanted to say, but she felt too shy all of a sudden, every nerve on alert because of Twyla’s proximity. There was sweat glistening in Twyla’s cleavage, and Jade had to work not to stare.

Taking a step back to gain some equilibrium, Jade muttered her thanks and quickly went over to grab her stuff and make her escape before she did something crazy.

~*~

“You can’t get married until I get back from my trip with Ted,” Alexis was saying, which made Jade turn around for her make-up mirror to see who she was talking to.

“We’ve been engaged for literally one day, Alexis. I think we can manage that. Also it’s still supposed to be a secret—”

“You’re engaged!” This from Twyla, who was bouncing on her feet with glee. “When did this happen? Tell me everything.”

She could tell Patrick was blushing under his makeup, mostly based on the flush that was spreading down his neck. “I proposed yesterday at Rattlesnake Point.”

“Aww, it’s beautiful up there. That’s so romantic.” Twyla was literally clutching her hands together under her chin, the portrait of a person overwhelmed by the idea of love.

“Well, it maybe wasn’t my best idea, taking David Rose on a hike, but… it turned out pretty romantic in the end.” Patrick chuckled, looking at the floor. “Especially since he said yes.”

Alexis reached out and booped Patrick on the nose. “I can’t believe you’re going to be my brother-in-law. I mean, knowing David, I never thought I’d have an _anything_ -in-law.”

Patrick frowned at that, but let it slide. “Okay, enough. We technically aren’t telling people until later tonight, although it seems like—”

“Still no sign of Stevie?” Jocelyn shouted, sticking her head in the dressing room. When a few people shook their heads, she dashed off again. Alexis and Twyla followed after her in a flutter of pink negligee, leaving Patrick to turn back to the mirror to continue working on his makeup.

“Congrats,” Jade said, meeting his gaze in the mirror. “Wow, marriage though.”

Patrick shrugged, bashful. “Yeah.”

“I literally can’t imagine liking someone enough to spend the rest of my life with them.” 

“Well, until you meet someone you really love, it does seem unimaginable.”

“And like, you’re sure that David is the one?” she asked.

“I don’t know if I believe in _‘the one’_ , but I know what it’s like to try to make it work with someone who definitely isn’t the one. So if there is such a thing, then yeah, David is it for me.” 

“You’re an inspiration to cynical people everywhere,” Jade said.

He smirked. “I try.”

~*~

“I can’t believe it’s over,” Seo-yeon said, hugging her.

“I know.” Jade said, stumbling a little bit on the damp lawn under her friend’s overenthusiastic embrace. “I’m glad you convinced me to do this. It was crazy. Crazy but fun.”

“It _was_ fun,” Seo-yeon slurred, already a couple of sheets to the wind. “I don’t know what we’re gonna do with all this free time.”

“Well, _I’m_ going to prepare for the dance class that I need to start teaching in the fall,” Jade said with a small smile.

“Derrek said yes?” Seo-yeon screeched, hugging her again when she nodded. “That’s amazing!”

They walked arm-in-arm around to the other side of Jocelyn’s house, where the deck was dominated by a bubbling hot tub.

“I’m not getting in Roland’s disgusting jacuzzi,” Jade heard someone say behind her. “Who knows what diseases could be lurking in that water?”

She turned and saw Patrick with his arm around his fiancé. “I knew you wouldn’t,” Patrick said, kissing David’s neck. “Someone should make sure Stevie doesn’t slip beneath the surface of the water and drown, though.”

“I’ll keep an eye on her,” Jade said, glancing over at Stevie, who had a beer in one hand and a cup with what looked like whiskey in the other. Twyla sat next to her, the thin spaghetti straps of a bikini on her shoulders just visible above the frothing water. “You wanna get in?” she asked Seo-yeon.

“No, I’m with David — I’m not a fan of hot tubs. You go ahead.” 

She glanced at Patrick one more time, but he only had eyes for David, and she suspected they weren’t going to be staying at the cast party that much longer. “Hey Patrick, don’t be a stranger, okay?”

He hugged her, strong arms squeezing her tight. “I won’t. Let’s get together soon.”

“Good luck with the wedding planning,” Jade said.

Patrick chuckled. “That’s mostly going to be David’s arena, but thanks.”

“You’re a great dancer,” David added. “You and my fiancé had some very sexy moves which I whole-heartedly approved of.”

Laughing and bidding them both goodnight, Jade went over and peeled off her jeans and t-shirt, revealing the swimsuit that she’d dutifully worn at Jocelyn’s reminder that they were going to be firing up the hot tub for the party. Sliding into the water next to Twyla, she watched as Stevie swallowed the last of the whiskey in her plastic cup and chucked it at Adam Cox’s head. The actor who played Cliff chuckled it back at her, leading to a tussle between them on the other side of the water.

Sitting close enough to Twyla that their shoulders touched, Jade let her head tip back until she was staring up at the night sky. 

“Are you glad it’s over, or sad?” Twyla asked.

“Sad, mostly.” She looked up and met Twyla’s eyes. “Can I still come over for yoga?”

“Of course! I would hate it if you quit coming just because the show is over.”

Jade swallowed nervously. “You really helped me with that stuff you taught me about singing.”

“Yeah? I’m glad. I mean, not as much as you helped us all with the dancing, I don’t think, but still. I’m really glad.” She smiled, and it lit the whole night up.

“I’ve decided to be better about… what was it you said? Telling the world my truth?”

Twyla stretched out her legs under the water, and one of her feet brushed up against Jade’s. “And what is your truth?”

Jade’s heart thundered in her chest, the steam rising around them and giving the impression of privacy that they definitely didn’t have. “That I’d really like to kiss you right now.”

Biting her lip, Twyla looked around before she looked back at Jade. “Okay.”

Their lips met gently, one press followed by another, and another. Jade opened her mouth enough to take Twyla’s lower lip between her own, and she tasted like strawberry lip gloss and summertime. They kissed until they trailed off into giggles, foreheads and noses pressed together as they recovered their breathing.

“Kind of sorry I waited until the last night to do that,” Jade said.

Twyla tilted her head to the side in thought. “I feel like these things happen when they’re meant to happen.” And then she reached out and ran a hand up Jade’s arm, raising goosebumps in her wake. “But I also think that it might be easier for us to do yoga in the morning if you didn’t have to drive all the way back to Elmdale tonight and then drive all the way back here tomorrow.”

 _Fuck_. “Do you want to get out of here?” Jade asked.

Twyla grinned, but then glanced over at Stevie, who somehow had managed to get more whiskey.

“That is,” she amended, “do you want to make sure Stevie gets home safe and _then_ get out of here?”

Nodding, Twyla settled back against the edge of the hot tub and looked up at the sky. “Do you need to let your parents know you won’t be home tonight?”

 _“Don't tell Mama what you know!”_ Jade sang in an exaggerated German accent, making Twyla laugh. Stevie, not too drunk to hear her cue, launched into Sally Bowles’ part, and soon all of them were singing, clear and confident voices rising with the steam into the summer air.


End file.
